I see you, “fat” girl. You weren’t fat. You weren’t ugly. Your life wasn’t over. It was just beginning. Here you are, dancing on your 21st birthday with your sister. Look at you, in your blue ballgown with your pretty feet and your happy smile. This photo embarrassed you because you thought your arms were “plump”. People were already telling you to lose weight. Why? Look at you. There was nothing wrong with you. You were gorgeous. And you’ll never be 21 again.

Pegs: A Study of Domestic Insurgency.

 

 

The humble peg leads a perilous existence,

always watching for the chance of escape.

 

Cornered hems of a teatowel clamped

swashbucklingly between its teeth,

it leads the charge,

as a superhero-in-training slays stuffed toys.

 

Or….

 

Jaws overstretched

(like an anaconda swallowing a goat)

around a quilted, 100% rayon, dressing gown

on a clothes horse stabled near the radiator,

The tension will be broken by a warcry:

SNAP!

 as the peg flings itself, murderously springloaded,

at the eyes of innocent passersby

carrying their cuppa back to the comfy chair to catch up

on Fair City.

 

Or…..

 

Plastic shards

Seen in their final repose,

spiking the squelch of

Digested dog’s dinner,

waiting in the weeds beneath the washing line,

Bear testament to puppy boredom.

 

Freedom has its price.

Every Body Belongs

Friend asked me to post some lipedema fighter progress pics for women’s health awareness.

What started as pearshaped in my teens escalated into decades of fatshaming by health professionals & society as my ankles, knees, elbows disappeared beneath layers of dimpled fat & fluid that did not shift with diet or exercise.

I gave up, many times.

Diagnosed with lymphoedema in 2000, but had never heard of lipedema until a physiotherapist diagnosed me in 2009.

“Before” pics taken in Tasmania, 2014

My pics, (from shoulders down, too ashamed to include my face) sent to cosmetic surgeons around Australia – those who bothered to reply said they were unable to help.

The male-dominated plastic surgery industry’s profits lies in exploitation of healthy insecure women willingly spending obscene amounts of money on unnecessary elective procedures.

No one was interested or trained in fat disorders.

It was obvious there was no cosmetic surgeon in my country of birth who cared about the physical and emotional distress I was suffering, nor that of the other 10% of women who suffer from an inherited hormonal condition inhibiting our lives and the macro-level negative effect on our families and communities.

By 2016, I was unable to move around without physical assistance.

Then I found Anne Dancey in England – compassionate surgeon excelling in complex liposuction for lipoedema.


My life has been transformed by the removal of 35 litres of abnormal fat from my feet, ankles, legs & butt.

Last operation was 2017.


“After” pics taken Easter, 2019. 

I’m middle aged, saggy & baggy, some loose skin post-op.

My tummy & arms are still affected by lipoedema – but I am mobile again and unabashed.

My “dress size” doesn’t matter. 

It only matters that I am outdoors, active, that my thighs no longer sweat, chafe and bleed when I walk.

I can gallivant with my family exploring the world (currently Ireland) instead of waiting in the car alone with swollen unshod feet.

My butt now fits down the slippery dip in the playground…..to the delight of my sixth child.  I missed out on sharing that experience with my first five children.

  Lipedema robbed me of so much. 

BMI was invented by a mathematician in the 19th century & is a false rubric for health assessment, causing false assumptions about life choices made by “overweight people”.

There would have been more I love yous … more I’m sorrys … more I’m listenings … but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it … look at it and really see it … try it on … live it … exhaust it … and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it. (From “If I Had My Life To Live Over” by Erma Bombeck)

I’m reclaiming my time.

The precious moments wasted, the times I stayed out of the sea I loved so my body would stay hidden from public view, decades of suffering judgement from fatshamers for an undiagnosed inherited condition I couldn’t control, the self loathing, the bouts of depression, the perpetual armour of self-deprecating humour, the clothes I “shouldn’t” wear.

The times I stayed in, to spare people the sight of me.

My despair was in even greater disproportion to actual reality than my thighs were to my waist, though. Most of it was in my head. I didn’t give many people a chance to reassure me of my worth, because I avoided most people.

I thought I was “too big” size 8. Size 10. Size 12. Size 14. Size 16. Size 18. 12. 14. 20. 24. 16. 14. 20. 24. 16. 18.

What difference does it make? Less than a century ago women made our own clothes, on mannequins modelled after our own bodies & shopping “off the rack” hadn’t become public exercise of conformity to sweat shop fashion and the male gaze.

Never did I think I’d be reacquainted with my ankles nor the feeling of my kneebones touching after decades of being trapped in a living unzippable fatsuit…the joy is unreal….but my ops were to restore mobility to a body in constant chronic pain, a body that was destined for a wheelchair unless I had surgical intervention.

Liposuction is not an easy option and it wasn’t a decision made out of vanity.

It was a lifeline, as I viewed my world shrinking to where I was bedridden, no longer able to engage in life as the independent woman I had been just a few years before.

Now, independent again in 2019, living in the moment and looking forward, but with some inner scars that heal slower than others.

My self esteem had four decades of being told that only skinny is sexy, fat can’t be fit.

Not true.

No-one should be made to feel there isn’t room for them to be among other people.

Life is for living, the Light is for later.

Trump, Enfant Deplorable In Search Of A Spanking From Daddy. Mueller Gave Congress The Paddle.

Deep inside the 300 pounds of criminal hair plugged blancmange that is currently POTUS is a hurt, inadequate, little boy that was desperate for the approval and camaraderie of the military school his father sent him to, but his character was already formed.
Nature gave him psychopathy and learning problems, nurture gave him a doolally disinterested mother, an abusive father who was a Klan member, tax evading fraudster and real estate shyster from whom little Donnie inherited a sense of self-entitlement as nouveau riche eurotrash used to greasing the palms of city officials and organised crime mobsters.
I’d feel sorry for him but you might as well feel sorry for Hitler for not getting into art college.
Don’t just blame Trump.
Blame every officer of the law from beat cop to District Attorney that allowed his corruption to flourish by turning a blind eye in return for political donations for decades.
Including NBC for presenting a six times bankrupt semi-literate serial sex pest as a successful business owner on The Apprentice.
MAGA rubes who think “reality shows” are actually reality and not scripted advertisements presented by sponsored celebrities are the same gullible Americans who hand over their welfare checks to buy televangelists private planes and think the NRA is about the 2nd amendment instead of the merchandising arm of the gun manufacturers whose products kill 40 000 people in the US every year.
They’ll believe anything Murdoch tells them if it’s wrapped in stars & stripes with a soundtrack of Liberty Belle or Springsteen.
Trump has never had a friend in his life, just hangers on hoping money or fame will come their way – no wonder he invented John Barron to spruik his imaginary achievements, no one else ever had a good word to say about Trump except when they were lying to line their own pocket.
Republicans don’t like or admire Trump, they just want lunch in the Oval Office & re-election. Trump has never had the mental or emotional capacity to relate to anyone.
Trump’s an amoral insult comic with a personality disorder born into money, but MAGA think he’s the American Dream.
For Trump, a distinguished war record and being the son of an Admiral and a Senator with a loving family like John McCain is his own private American Dream, but he can never admit that.
Who would he admit it to? His hyena children, his third trophy wife or any of the lackeys and golddiggers that hang around him? It’s lonely in the White House bunker.
Trump won’t be lonely in jail after he’s left the White House but if anyone thinks it’s going to inspire reflection or empathy in him they’re as insane as he is.
It’s cruelty to a dumb animal at this point, like letting a dog shite on the kitchen floor for fifteen years then suddenly rubbing his nose in it on the way out the door to get him euthanised.
Meanwhile, he has the nuclear codes because 1 in 4 Americans who bothered to vote are racist imbeciles who think a wall will stop immigration or are the self-dealing robber barons posing as GOP Senators.
Trump is an opportunist who has attracted other opportunists to his coattails without making a single friend who’d stick by him if he was broke. Which he is.
Which is why he’s scared of releasing his tax returns.
And terrified of copping a novocheck burger courtesy of Putin, who knows his secrets and holds his IOUs.
Meanwhile, Barr poisoned the well with propaganda over the three weeks he took to release the redacted Mueller Report, the lies of “exoneration” and “cooperation” made obvious in glaring light of public scrutiny.
Mueller outlined Congress’ duty to impeach Trump and the case to do so, explaining that current DOJ policy prevents criminal indictment of a sitting President, but upon leaving Office, there are many points on which to prosecute Trump for the crimes he committed both in public and private view.
Mueller’s investigation has gaoled Trump’s campaign staff, his first National Security Advisor, his personal lawyer among others plus indicted thirty Russian intelligence officers.
Special Counsel’s office also passed over a dozen Federal and State investigations that are currently being processed but no doubt will end in stickiness for Trump’s adult con-artist kids Don Jr and Ivanka (still occupying a White House advisor position where she shmoozes dictators for business deals) and her husband Jared Kushner (currently ditto, his BFFs the murderous Netanyahu and MBS of particular concern to the national security and intelligence agencies who refused Ivanka and Jared’s security clearances…..trump imperiously waved aside the evidence and the safety of humanity in order to hire his family and increase his personal wealth, as despots do.)
The White House has been revealed by Mueller to be exactly as dozens of whistleblowers over the last two years have described it ad nauseum – irrevocably inept and corrupt, staffed by fringe lunatics, pathological liars and self-appointed unelected caretakers of a Commander In Chief woefully out of his depth and recalcitrant in his criminal intent to obstruct justice and protect his image at dire cost to democracy.
Barr’s attempt to postpone the inevitable exposure of trump’s corruption has only served to further humiliate a Republican Party that stood up to Nixon in the seventies, voted to impeach Clinton for lying to Congress about a seriously dodgy abuse of power in an affair with a bright-eyed intern in the nineties but has collaborated with the moral and intellectual vacuum of trump even as the evidence mounts and international alliances dissolve.
Mitch McConnell refused Obama’s request to make a bipartisan statement condemning the Russian attacks on the election process.  McConnell has pandered to Trump and schemed against the public interest for the enrichment of his cronies throughout every degradation trump has inflicted upon Americans.
Now a clear cut case for removal of a corrupt President is likely to be ignored by a GOP Senate unwilling to uphold their Constitutional duty when the House passes the vote for impeachment.
Ignoring Trump’s unfitness for Office invites chaos.
No-one is above the law in America.  Trump has to pay for his crimes as an example to all who enter public office.
Shame Trump had to wait seventy years before a strong man like Mueller gave him tough love and a public spanking.